It seems strangely appropriate that I combine August and September's lessons into one big mashup, as the past two months have been a wonderful whirlwind. So, before I get too busy once again, here goes nothing:
1. I truly think that once you finally decide that you're worth more than what you've been settling for, and you take action on that realization, the universe rewards you by bringing you more than you thought you could deserve.
2. Sometimes things are just right. You can feel it in your bones.
3. Recent events in others' lives have shown me yet again that you just never know what tomorrow holds, so you should tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.
4. Few things are as wonderful as a new book.
5. God works in the most splendidly mysterious ways.
6. Sometimes dilemmas are just an opportunity for you to step up to the plate and shine.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Just a thought.
It hit me: Here I am, always yearning to give away my love, affection, caring to someone else. When really, I should be giving those things to myself first, instead of searching for someone else to give it all away to.
Just a thought.
Just a thought.
Lessons From July. Once Again Belated.
I'm on my couch, drinking red wine, and watching "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. While coming to the realization that there is a significant chance that I will never get married. Masochism at its finest. And with that, here's what I learned in July:
1. It feels good to learn new things. You might find interest in areas you didn't think you ever would.
2. Don't ever, EVER, feel stupid for speaking your mind.
3. There is a difference between being patient and being pathetic. It's a thin, delicate line, but it all comes down to how you feel.
4. Nothing makes me feel more like me than being around my best friends and my family. Nothing.
I have a feeling August will be a month chock full of lessons. Stay tuned.
1. It feels good to learn new things. You might find interest in areas you didn't think you ever would.
2. Don't ever, EVER, feel stupid for speaking your mind.
3. There is a difference between being patient and being pathetic. It's a thin, delicate line, but it all comes down to how you feel.
4. Nothing makes me feel more like me than being around my best friends and my family. Nothing.
I have a feeling August will be a month chock full of lessons. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Lessons From June
A little closer to "on time" with this installment.
1. Little Rock should follow Vegas' lead and give free drinks and front-of-the-line access to decent looking single women.
2. They say patience is a virtue. But being pathetic, however, is not.
3. You never know unless you ask.
4. Some of the best times in life are some of the simplest.
1. Little Rock should follow Vegas' lead and give free drinks and front-of-the-line access to decent looking single women.
2. They say patience is a virtue. But being pathetic, however, is not.
3. You never know unless you ask.
4. Some of the best times in life are some of the simplest.
Monday, June 21, 2010
(Late) Lessons From May
So I'm late with the monthly lessons. Again. This is a testament to just how busy I've been lately. New job, new opportunities, new crush, these things take up more time than you'd think.
So (belatedly) here's what I learned in May:
1) If you don't try for something, it will never happen. If you don't at least ask, the answer will always be "no."
2) There is such a thing as being too busy.
3) Best friends' weddings are the best. And are typically prime breeding ground for poorly thought out decisions. And dancing.
4) Sometimes you don't know the impact you've had on a place, person, or situation until you're removed from it.
I'll try to be more prompt with the June installment.
So (belatedly) here's what I learned in May:
1) If you don't try for something, it will never happen. If you don't at least ask, the answer will always be "no."
2) There is such a thing as being too busy.
3) Best friends' weddings are the best. And are typically prime breeding ground for poorly thought out decisions. And dancing.
4) Sometimes you don't know the impact you've had on a place, person, or situation until you're removed from it.
I'll try to be more prompt with the June installment.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Karma of Jealousy
I'm fairly certain I was recently used to make someone jealous.
Having been jealous, and having been the one using people to make certain other people jealous, I feel it was my time to be used. My karmic duty.
Having been jealous, and having been the one using people to make certain other people jealous, I feel it was my time to be used. My karmic duty.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Momentary Mentors
I've long admired Gwen Moritz, Editor of Arkansas Business. I think she is an extremely savvy business woman, an excellent journalist, and an all around neat woman.
I'd sent Gwen about a million press releases over the years, but never had the chance to meet her in person until late last year at a reception. I sent her an email after the event to let her know I was glad to have the chance to speak to her in person, and a back and forth of emails and facebooking began from there.
I posted to my facebook this week about my first solo outing, to The Rep. I'd never gone anywhere by myself, ever, until this weekend. I found it liberating, and met some really cool old ladies that I wouldn't have otherwise met.
A friend of mine commented on my post, saying that she's been trying to muster up the courage to see an afternoon movie solo, but she hasn't yet found the chutzpah to do so.
Gwen was very saddened by this, and she sent me a message telling me so. She said that we should never, ever not do something we want to do just because we don't have someone to do it with us. And she's right. Life is too short to miss even a single opportunity to grow, to learn, and to experience. She went on to explain that as a married mother, she rarely has opportunities be alone these days, and she cherishes the time that she does have to herself. Very valid point, one I appreciated.
So in that moment, Gwen was my momentary mentor, whether she realized it or not. She shared something from her own experience that will change the way I think and act.
There are formal processes to being a mentor, be it a professional mentor or some other form of mentorship. But we shouldn't discount the momentary mentors that swoop in and out of our lives, always at just the right moment.
I'd sent Gwen about a million press releases over the years, but never had the chance to meet her in person until late last year at a reception. I sent her an email after the event to let her know I was glad to have the chance to speak to her in person, and a back and forth of emails and facebooking began from there.
I posted to my facebook this week about my first solo outing, to The Rep. I'd never gone anywhere by myself, ever, until this weekend. I found it liberating, and met some really cool old ladies that I wouldn't have otherwise met.
A friend of mine commented on my post, saying that she's been trying to muster up the courage to see an afternoon movie solo, but she hasn't yet found the chutzpah to do so.
Gwen was very saddened by this, and she sent me a message telling me so. She said that we should never, ever not do something we want to do just because we don't have someone to do it with us. And she's right. Life is too short to miss even a single opportunity to grow, to learn, and to experience. She went on to explain that as a married mother, she rarely has opportunities be alone these days, and she cherishes the time that she does have to herself. Very valid point, one I appreciated.
So in that moment, Gwen was my momentary mentor, whether she realized it or not. She shared something from her own experience that will change the way I think and act.
There are formal processes to being a mentor, be it a professional mentor or some other form of mentorship. But we shouldn't discount the momentary mentors that swoop in and out of our lives, always at just the right moment.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Lessons from April
I was a bit of a slacker in April in terms of posting to the blog. A testament to how insanely busy things have been lately. Which leads me to my first lesson from April...
1. Being busy is good. To a degree. There's a fine line between being busy and terribly overcommitted. I think I'm walking the line.
2. How do you get over someone? You just do. I never thought I'd say that, but it really is that easy.
3. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, but you don't know what you've been missing until it arrives.
4. I think 26 will be a good year.
1. Being busy is good. To a degree. There's a fine line between being busy and terribly overcommitted. I think I'm walking the line.
2. How do you get over someone? You just do. I never thought I'd say that, but it really is that easy.
3. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, but you don't know what you've been missing until it arrives.
4. I think 26 will be a good year.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Older. Wiser?
I turned 26 yesterday.
Might not seem like a monumental birthday, but it was a pretty big deal to me. You see, I'm now closer to 30 than to 20. Yikes.
Everyone who asked how old I'd be turning said that 26 is a great age, a great year. So that gives me some hope for what's to come.
I can't help but think that, here I am, another year older. But am I any wiser? Did I learn anything in the last 365 days?
I think so. I think I've placed a few more pieces in the puzzle that is Ginny.
Maybe by this time next year, I'll have figured out enough pieces to make something really pretty.
Might not seem like a monumental birthday, but it was a pretty big deal to me. You see, I'm now closer to 30 than to 20. Yikes.
Everyone who asked how old I'd be turning said that 26 is a great age, a great year. So that gives me some hope for what's to come.
I can't help but think that, here I am, another year older. But am I any wiser? Did I learn anything in the last 365 days?
I think so. I think I've placed a few more pieces in the puzzle that is Ginny.
Maybe by this time next year, I'll have figured out enough pieces to make something really pretty.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Do Better
I'm very guilty of too often dwelling on the past. Thinking about all that I did wrong, how I could've done better, what I should've done differently.
I think that's a form of masochism.
Really, the best I can do is live, learn, and do better the next time.
I think that's a form of masochism.
Really, the best I can do is live, learn, and do better the next time.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
And So It Is
I've been watching a new quasi-reality show on E! that follows three girls and their Mom in their day-t0-day (staged) activities. The family often prays, and they always end their prayers by saying, "and so it is." I always think of Damien Rice's song, "The Blower's Daughter," when I hear them say that.
I think they are nuts.
But today I was thinking about a certain situation, and about how no matter how hard I try, I can't change it. Trust me, I've tried. Some things and some people won't budge.
All the talking, emailing, begging, and pleading hasn't changed this situation, and none of those things will. I've got to accept that this situation is the way that it is for a reason, and I have to trust that the reason is for my good.
And so it is.
I think they are nuts.
But today I was thinking about a certain situation, and about how no matter how hard I try, I can't change it. Trust me, I've tried. Some things and some people won't budge.
All the talking, emailing, begging, and pleading hasn't changed this situation, and none of those things will. I've got to accept that this situation is the way that it is for a reason, and I have to trust that the reason is for my good.
And so it is.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Lessons from March
What a whirlwind, the month of March.
Lessons learned are as follows:
1. How do you let go? You just do. You quit thinking about it and worrying about it, and you just do.
2. It's stupid to do things to try to keep up or hang with other people. It usually ends in disaster. At least in my experience.
3. A girl needs her girl time. I read somewhere once that there is a hormone that women only produce when in the company of other women. I believe it.
4. Vague = Probably not good.
5. What happens in NOLA, stays in NOLA.
Lessons learned are as follows:
1. How do you let go? You just do. You quit thinking about it and worrying about it, and you just do.
2. It's stupid to do things to try to keep up or hang with other people. It usually ends in disaster. At least in my experience.
3. A girl needs her girl time. I read somewhere once that there is a hormone that women only produce when in the company of other women. I believe it.
4. Vague = Probably not good.
5. What happens in NOLA, stays in NOLA.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A Helpful Horoscope
My horoscope for today:
"Everything becomes a bit more complex today becaue you cannot escape your feelings just by doing something else. Your emotions are more persistent now and they can gnaw at your awareness until you acknowledge them and consider the issues they raise. Although you may be irritated because you want to be independt of your attachments, slowing down and sinking into your current experience can teach you more than running off in search of the next one."
That, in a nutshell, is what this Year of Ginny is about for me. Learning to be completely comfortable and content with who I am, right now, in this moment. I've been so guilty in the past of thinking that moving on to the next best thing was the answer, in my work life and in my relationships. When really, what needed changing was me.
"Everything becomes a bit more complex today becaue you cannot escape your feelings just by doing something else. Your emotions are more persistent now and they can gnaw at your awareness until you acknowledge them and consider the issues they raise. Although you may be irritated because you want to be independt of your attachments, slowing down and sinking into your current experience can teach you more than running off in search of the next one."
That, in a nutshell, is what this Year of Ginny is about for me. Learning to be completely comfortable and content with who I am, right now, in this moment. I've been so guilty in the past of thinking that moving on to the next best thing was the answer, in my work life and in my relationships. When really, what needed changing was me.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
All Over Again
"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
I think it's time to start all over again. Again.
I think it's time to start all over again. Again.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Uncool
I can't help but be amused at how my lame attempts at being cool incessantly backfire.
I'm never gonna' be one of the cool kids. I'll never be able to hang. I'll always be the first one to trip, first one to put my foot in my mouth, first one to go to bed.
And I'm OK with that.
I'm never gonna' be one of the cool kids. I'll never be able to hang. I'll always be the first one to trip, first one to put my foot in my mouth, first one to go to bed.
And I'm OK with that.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Throwback
I feel like I'm a throwback to a generation gone by.
Love, marriage, commitment, fidelity, they've become archaic notions that so many in my generation feel aren't realistic today. "Marriage is different than it was 20 years ago," they say.
Obviously. But love isn't. I think love is the one thing that stays the same through the ages. I think that nowadays people build their commitments and marriages on things other than love, thus, our ridiculous divorce rate.
It's disappointing that we live in a society that is so jaded that many of us think that a good marriage just isn't realistic. I sometimes think I should've been born in a different decade.
I think it's time to get back to the basics.
Love, marriage, commitment, fidelity, they've become archaic notions that so many in my generation feel aren't realistic today. "Marriage is different than it was 20 years ago," they say.
Obviously. But love isn't. I think love is the one thing that stays the same through the ages. I think that nowadays people build their commitments and marriages on things other than love, thus, our ridiculous divorce rate.
It's disappointing that we live in a society that is so jaded that many of us think that a good marriage just isn't realistic. I sometimes think I should've been born in a different decade.
I think it's time to get back to the basics.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
New
I start a new job (at the same organization) tomorrow.
It's something I've never done before. I'm excited. And a little nervous.
I think there is something to be said about starting something new. There's something about the unfamiliar that's particularly challenging.
I think I'm going to continue this trend and do some more new this year.
It's something I've never done before. I'm excited. And a little nervous.
I think there is something to be said about starting something new. There's something about the unfamiliar that's particularly challenging.
I think I'm going to continue this trend and do some more new this year.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
It's In The Air
Two posts in one day...guess I've got a lot on my mind.
I just feel this almost tangible excitement in the air around me for what's to come. I have no idea what that is, but I have a feeling it's going to be good. Really good.
I feel a sense of newness and discovery that both excites and challenges me. Lately I've envisioned what I think my life could look like down the road in new ways. Ways that aren't dependant upon anyone else on earth (I say "on earth" because I'm making a concerted effort to make my life depend on Christ, but He's everywhere, not limited to earth like us). Dictated only by my dreams for my life and God's plan for my life.
I like it.
I just feel this almost tangible excitement in the air around me for what's to come. I have no idea what that is, but I have a feeling it's going to be good. Really good.
I feel a sense of newness and discovery that both excites and challenges me. Lately I've envisioned what I think my life could look like down the road in new ways. Ways that aren't dependant upon anyone else on earth (I say "on earth" because I'm making a concerted effort to make my life depend on Christ, but He's everywhere, not limited to earth like us). Dictated only by my dreams for my life and God's plan for my life.
I like it.
Fall Out
Sometimes people fall out of our lives.
Sometimes it's their choice, sometimes it's ours, sometimes it's neither.
Sometimes they'll come back into our lives. Sometimes they won't, whether by choice or circumstance.
And if someone doesn't try to be a part of our lives, they don't deserve to be.
Sometimes it's their choice, sometimes it's ours, sometimes it's neither.
Sometimes they'll come back into our lives. Sometimes they won't, whether by choice or circumstance.
And if someone doesn't try to be a part of our lives, they don't deserve to be.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
My Next Kiss
I've decided that I want my next kiss to be awesome.
Sure, I want every kiss to not be terrible, but this is something different. I love kissing, it's one of my favorite things. As evidenced by the fact that I was awarded the "Best PDA Award" by my sorority at the end of my pledge semester. Seriously.
Kisses haven't been as special to me lately. Not that I've had a bunch to choose from, but even the idea hasn't been as special.
So I've decided that my next kiss is going to be awesome. Like a kiss that you see in the movies, the kind that makes your toes curl in your shoes. I'm going to wait for just the right moment, just the right person.
And it will be awesome.
Sure, I want every kiss to not be terrible, but this is something different. I love kissing, it's one of my favorite things. As evidenced by the fact that I was awarded the "Best PDA Award" by my sorority at the end of my pledge semester. Seriously.
Kisses haven't been as special to me lately. Not that I've had a bunch to choose from, but even the idea hasn't been as special.
So I've decided that my next kiss is going to be awesome. Like a kiss that you see in the movies, the kind that makes your toes curl in your shoes. I'm going to wait for just the right moment, just the right person.
And it will be awesome.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Lessons From February
I cannot freakin' believe it's already March. Boy, does the time ever fly.
Well, here are some things I learned in February:
1) It's important to appreciate the love in our lives, from all of its sources.
2) Sometimes things just don't make sense. And that's OK. Or at least it's finally becoming OK with me.
3) When it's over, it's over. Resistance to this fact is futile.
4) Going on dates is fun.
Not too much profound wisdom in February, but wisdom (at least to me) nonetheless. Looking forward to an exciting March...
Well, here are some things I learned in February:
1) It's important to appreciate the love in our lives, from all of its sources.
2) Sometimes things just don't make sense. And that's OK. Or at least it's finally becoming OK with me.
3) When it's over, it's over. Resistance to this fact is futile.
4) Going on dates is fun.
Not too much profound wisdom in February, but wisdom (at least to me) nonetheless. Looking forward to an exciting March...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Open
I realized yesterday that I've been trying so hard to bring meaning to a certain situation that I've been closing myself off to opportunities.
I have a hard time thinking that a year and a half of my life meant nothing. So I've been hanging on, hoping that some grand meaning would come, and in the process, closing myself off from opportunity. I've been wearing a "Sorry, we're closed" sign around my life and my heart.
No more.
Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to rush into situations or circumstances just because they're there. I'm pretty sure that's what brought me to this point, where I've been desperate for meaning to try to make sense of a situation that just doesn't.
I've always been someone that tries to find the moral of the story, what it all really means. I think this time, "it" means that sometimes things just don't work out. And it doesn't have to make sense. And I'm finally OK with that I think.
Maybe it will all make sense someday. But for now, I'm going to turn on my "Open" sign.
I have a hard time thinking that a year and a half of my life meant nothing. So I've been hanging on, hoping that some grand meaning would come, and in the process, closing myself off from opportunity. I've been wearing a "Sorry, we're closed" sign around my life and my heart.
No more.
Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to rush into situations or circumstances just because they're there. I'm pretty sure that's what brought me to this point, where I've been desperate for meaning to try to make sense of a situation that just doesn't.
I've always been someone that tries to find the moral of the story, what it all really means. I think this time, "it" means that sometimes things just don't work out. And it doesn't have to make sense. And I'm finally OK with that I think.
Maybe it will all make sense someday. But for now, I'm going to turn on my "Open" sign.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Sun
I think there is something very real and powerful about sunshine.
The past few days, I was in a weird funk. I just haven't had much motivation this week. To do anything but lay on my couch.
But today it all changed. Granted, I woke up and told myself to make a concerted effort to focus on happiness today, but I also give quite a bit of credit to the sunshine.
If I could thank the sun for shining, I would. I guess I'll thank the God that made it.
The past few days, I was in a weird funk. I just haven't had much motivation this week. To do anything but lay on my couch.
But today it all changed. Granted, I woke up and told myself to make a concerted effort to focus on happiness today, but I also give quite a bit of credit to the sunshine.
If I could thank the sun for shining, I would. I guess I'll thank the God that made it.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Finding My Own Way
Yesterday on my way home from work, I was thinking about how great my little side roads shortcut to get to the Interstate is. I thought, "who was it that told me to go this way?"
Usually someone will recommend that I try this shortcut or that little road to save some time, but I remembered that I came upon my little shortcut completely by accident after missing a turn.
A happy accident after making a wrong turn.
Maybe my next shortcut is just around the corner, after a few wrong turns.
Usually someone will recommend that I try this shortcut or that little road to save some time, but I remembered that I came upon my little shortcut completely by accident after missing a turn.
A happy accident after making a wrong turn.
Maybe my next shortcut is just around the corner, after a few wrong turns.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Lessons From January
I think at the end of each month in this Year of Ginny, I'll recap the things I learned in those weeks.
In January, I learned:
1. My way sucks. Like really sucks. The more I try to do things my way, driven by my emotions, feelings, selfish ambitions, the further I fall from where I want to be. So I'm gonna' let God lead from now on. After all, He created all the things I've screwed up.
2. Hope is good. It keeps us going. But ultimately, God gives us discernment in what is and what is not worthy of our hope and energy.
3. From an email my Mom sent me: "If it doesn't make your life better, you don't need it."
4. I am far from alone. I've got a truly amazing family that loves me unconditionally, and friends that do the same. There's no reason for me to ever feel alone.
5. This is gonna' be a pretty cool year.
In January, I learned:
1. My way sucks. Like really sucks. The more I try to do things my way, driven by my emotions, feelings, selfish ambitions, the further I fall from where I want to be. So I'm gonna' let God lead from now on. After all, He created all the things I've screwed up.
2. Hope is good. It keeps us going. But ultimately, God gives us discernment in what is and what is not worthy of our hope and energy.
3. From an email my Mom sent me: "If it doesn't make your life better, you don't need it."
4. I am far from alone. I've got a truly amazing family that loves me unconditionally, and friends that do the same. There's no reason for me to ever feel alone.
5. This is gonna' be a pretty cool year.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
"It's" In Me
I am so unbelievably guilty of trying to find "it" from outside sources.
"It" ranges from affirmation to validation to reassurance, and the list could most certainly go on. I think fishing (for compliments) has become one of my most popular pasttimes.
But this has got to stop. The more I seek "it" from outside sources, the more I'm robbing myself of the joy and satisfaction of realizing that "it" is in me.
"It's" been here all along.
"It" ranges from affirmation to validation to reassurance, and the list could most certainly go on. I think fishing (for compliments) has become one of my most popular pasttimes.
But this has got to stop. The more I seek "it" from outside sources, the more I'm robbing myself of the joy and satisfaction of realizing that "it" is in me.
"It's" been here all along.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Evident Truths
Events that transpired this weekend have made several things evident.
1) I do not, in fact, have it all together. As much as I want to believe I've got control and that I make right decisions more often than not, it's just not reality. At least it hasn't been for quite a while.
2) I need to stop looking for what's wrong in others and realize that there's quite a bit not right with me that I need to take care of. I think it's been a deflecting mechanism, focusing in on the wrong in others so as to distract myself from what needs fixin' in me.
3) Maybe Mom is right. Alcohol may, in fact, be the devil. It sure hasn't brought much good to me lately.
4) Even after all the mistakes and screw ups and never-thought-I-would've's, God is a God of forgiveness and hope. Only in Him can I find that kind of forgiveness and grace, and also the strength to move forward in a right and better way.
5) Did I mention I don't have it all together?
6) I've got to start putting the focus that I've been directing towards all kinds of peripheral issues into bettering myself. I've got to renew my focus.
7) Because of God's grace, we aren't defined by our mistakes.
1) I do not, in fact, have it all together. As much as I want to believe I've got control and that I make right decisions more often than not, it's just not reality. At least it hasn't been for quite a while.
2) I need to stop looking for what's wrong in others and realize that there's quite a bit not right with me that I need to take care of. I think it's been a deflecting mechanism, focusing in on the wrong in others so as to distract myself from what needs fixin' in me.
3) Maybe Mom is right. Alcohol may, in fact, be the devil. It sure hasn't brought much good to me lately.
4) Even after all the mistakes and screw ups and never-thought-I-would've's, God is a God of forgiveness and hope. Only in Him can I find that kind of forgiveness and grace, and also the strength to move forward in a right and better way.
5) Did I mention I don't have it all together?
6) I've got to start putting the focus that I've been directing towards all kinds of peripheral issues into bettering myself. I've got to renew my focus.
7) Because of God's grace, we aren't defined by our mistakes.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Free
Yesterday, it hit me.
I'm free! I have in my possession the freedom to do whatever I want to do, to chase whatever dreams I dream, to love whoever and however I want to.
I think the reason that I hadn't grasped this concept until yesterday was because I was so immersed in certain situations I couldn't see the big picture. I'd kept my eyes laser focused on these issues, and when I averted my gaze and began to look elsewhere, it hit me. I'm totally and completely free.
What a feeling.
I'm free! I have in my possession the freedom to do whatever I want to do, to chase whatever dreams I dream, to love whoever and however I want to.
I think the reason that I hadn't grasped this concept until yesterday was because I was so immersed in certain situations I couldn't see the big picture. I'd kept my eyes laser focused on these issues, and when I averted my gaze and began to look elsewhere, it hit me. I'm totally and completely free.
What a feeling.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I'm Not The One
Yesterday I finally said the words that have been holding me back, keeping me in a holding pattern, for a while now.
"I'm not The One."
After I said it, it seemed so simple, so obvious. A calm clarity presented itself. The reason things weren't working out was simply because I'm not The One for him. Because when it's right, it just works. It might be harder sometimes than others, but at the end of the day, that deep commitment to and the love for the other person makes it all alright. I really believe that.
But not everybody believes in that kind of love, commitment, passion, faith, hope. People have told me that I'm only setting myself up for failure by believing. And for a minute there, I believed 'em. For the first time in my life, I felt pretty hopeless.
But ya' know what? I'm just not The One for those people, people that don't believe.
And that's OK. I can't be The One for everyone, just for My One. And trust me, he believes in love.
"I'm not The One."
After I said it, it seemed so simple, so obvious. A calm clarity presented itself. The reason things weren't working out was simply because I'm not The One for him. Because when it's right, it just works. It might be harder sometimes than others, but at the end of the day, that deep commitment to and the love for the other person makes it all alright. I really believe that.
But not everybody believes in that kind of love, commitment, passion, faith, hope. People have told me that I'm only setting myself up for failure by believing. And for a minute there, I believed 'em. For the first time in my life, I felt pretty hopeless.
But ya' know what? I'm just not The One for those people, people that don't believe.
And that's OK. I can't be The One for everyone, just for My One. And trust me, he believes in love.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Reckless
reck.less adj. 1. a. Heedless or careless; b. Headstrong, rash 2. Indifferent or disregardful of consequences
The above definition pretty much sums up how I've dealt with my emotions lately.
I've been reckless with my heart, my feelings, my emotions.
This thought came to me at church yesterday. Our church is going through a series on margins in our lives, the leeway, the room we must give ourselves to lead successful, happy lives. In thinking on the margins in my life, I realized that I've been living beyond the margin in the area of my emotions. Let me explain.
I've been carelessly throwing and thrashing my heart and my feelings about, hoping that they'll find a safe spot to land.
This hasn't worked.
I started to think about why I haven't taken very good care of my heart as of late, living beyond the margin and dangerously close to the tipping point. Is it because I thrive on the drama of waiting to see if/when I'll fall over the edge? Maybe a little bit. I must admit, a life with absolutely no drama sounds a little boring to me.
But I don't think that's the primary reason for my recklessness. I think at the core of why I've been casting out my heart, hoping to catch something/someone and reel it back in, isn't that I'm a glutton for punishment or a masochist.
It comes down to hope.
I'm a believer in happy endings. I think that after every plot twist in the third act, there should be a reconciliation, a happy ending. I'm a believer in people. I hope for the best in the people I care about. I feel like I find the kernel of good inside of a person, and I cling to that. And more times than not, I end up hurt.
Here's the rub...to think that I have to give up hope is a deeply depressing thought. But at the same time, it's this deep conviction that certain people are, indeed, good at heart that has left my heart broken more often than I'd care to admit.
I need to figure out the balance of maintaining hope, while also protecting my heart. Hopefully, in this Year of Ginny, I'll figure this one out.
The above definition pretty much sums up how I've dealt with my emotions lately.
I've been reckless with my heart, my feelings, my emotions.
This thought came to me at church yesterday. Our church is going through a series on margins in our lives, the leeway, the room we must give ourselves to lead successful, happy lives. In thinking on the margins in my life, I realized that I've been living beyond the margin in the area of my emotions. Let me explain.
I've been carelessly throwing and thrashing my heart and my feelings about, hoping that they'll find a safe spot to land.
This hasn't worked.
I started to think about why I haven't taken very good care of my heart as of late, living beyond the margin and dangerously close to the tipping point. Is it because I thrive on the drama of waiting to see if/when I'll fall over the edge? Maybe a little bit. I must admit, a life with absolutely no drama sounds a little boring to me.
But I don't think that's the primary reason for my recklessness. I think at the core of why I've been casting out my heart, hoping to catch something/someone and reel it back in, isn't that I'm a glutton for punishment or a masochist.
It comes down to hope.
I'm a believer in happy endings. I think that after every plot twist in the third act, there should be a reconciliation, a happy ending. I'm a believer in people. I hope for the best in the people I care about. I feel like I find the kernel of good inside of a person, and I cling to that. And more times than not, I end up hurt.
Here's the rub...to think that I have to give up hope is a deeply depressing thought. But at the same time, it's this deep conviction that certain people are, indeed, good at heart that has left my heart broken more often than I'd care to admit.
I need to figure out the balance of maintaining hope, while also protecting my heart. Hopefully, in this Year of Ginny, I'll figure this one out.
Monday, January 11, 2010
I Still Wish on Stars
Last night as I was leaving my parents' house to head back home to the metropolis of Benton, I was struck by a bright, singular star. It wasn't a part of a cluster, just kind of on its own, shining away.
I've been wishing on stars for as long as I can remember. I even (embarassingly) have a little "winking ritual" that I have to do every time I make a wish. I say the usual "Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight," then I make my wish, then I repeat the phrase in the past tense (i.e. "the first start I saw tonight, I wished I may, I wished I might..."), then I wink once with my right eye, twice with my left, once again wtih the right, then pause, then a final wink with the right eye.
Yes, I am insane. And a little OCD.
But it's one of my things.
Last night I wished that this would be the year that I fall in love. With myself. With a renewed passion in my relationship with God. And sure, if it fits, with Mr. Right. But, for the first time, that was the last part of my wish, not the first.
I've long wished that a relationship I was in would work out, that I would fall madly in love with a Prince Charming, and so on and so forth. But last night, for the first time, my wish didn't involve anyone else that could/would make it come true. Just me.
In that small, quiet moment, I took ownership of my wish.
I've been wishing on stars for as long as I can remember. I even (embarassingly) have a little "winking ritual" that I have to do every time I make a wish. I say the usual "Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight," then I make my wish, then I repeat the phrase in the past tense (i.e. "the first start I saw tonight, I wished I may, I wished I might..."), then I wink once with my right eye, twice with my left, once again wtih the right, then pause, then a final wink with the right eye.
Yes, I am insane. And a little OCD.
But it's one of my things.
Last night I wished that this would be the year that I fall in love. With myself. With a renewed passion in my relationship with God. And sure, if it fits, with Mr. Right. But, for the first time, that was the last part of my wish, not the first.
I've long wished that a relationship I was in would work out, that I would fall madly in love with a Prince Charming, and so on and so forth. But last night, for the first time, my wish didn't involve anyone else that could/would make it come true. Just me.
In that small, quiet moment, I took ownership of my wish.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Just Let It Go?
"Let it go."
I've heard those three words a lot in the course of my life. Hell, I've said those words to myself at least a hundred times.
But...what if I can't?
I'm the type of person that keeps everything. Things with sentimental value, no matter how ridiculous, things that I think I may need ten years down the road, etc. I'm always afraid that if/when I get rid of something, I'll end up needing it again. I'm afraid that a time will come when I'll regret throwing that item away.
So here I am, someone that can barely throw away a movie stub. So how am I supposed to let a whole person go?
They say that you must completely close one door in order for another to open. I get it. It makes perfect sense logically. But I have a hard time getting my heart to jump on that bandwagon. It just seems so harsh, letting someone go.
I guess I'm trying to figure out how to do that, and how to do that in a healthy way.
Stay tuned...
I've heard those three words a lot in the course of my life. Hell, I've said those words to myself at least a hundred times.
But...what if I can't?
I'm the type of person that keeps everything. Things with sentimental value, no matter how ridiculous, things that I think I may need ten years down the road, etc. I'm always afraid that if/when I get rid of something, I'll end up needing it again. I'm afraid that a time will come when I'll regret throwing that item away.
So here I am, someone that can barely throw away a movie stub. So how am I supposed to let a whole person go?
They say that you must completely close one door in order for another to open. I get it. It makes perfect sense logically. But I have a hard time getting my heart to jump on that bandwagon. It just seems so harsh, letting someone go.
I guess I'm trying to figure out how to do that, and how to do that in a healthy way.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Punctuation of Life
A friend's lamenting over the abuse of comma splices (guilty as charged) got me thinking about, of all things, punctuation. More specifically, the punctuation of life.
I'm a big fan of the comma. There's just something about continuing a thought without the interruption of a pesky period or semicolon. I consider them to be a more smooth transition than other punctuation options.
While this may not mean very much in terms of my style of writing, I've discovered this truth can mean a great deal outside of the grammatical implications.
In my life, I like to use "commas" and elipses (...) to continue a thought without completely ending it, to lead into the next thought on the page. This has led to too many run on sentences in my life, situations and relationships that I've continued through the use of "soft punctuation," rather than having the guts to put a period at the end of the situation/relationship.
I guess part of this stems from my desire for a happy ending, a desire for the plot twist in the fourth act. I just can't stand to end something, just in case...
But maybe putting a period at the end of one thought (or situation or relationship or what have you) is the only way for the story to go where it's supposed to. Maybe it takes a period, a hard stop, for another potentially life-altering thought to get the attention it deserves.
I think I'll give periods a try this year.
I'm a big fan of the comma. There's just something about continuing a thought without the interruption of a pesky period or semicolon. I consider them to be a more smooth transition than other punctuation options.
While this may not mean very much in terms of my style of writing, I've discovered this truth can mean a great deal outside of the grammatical implications.
In my life, I like to use "commas" and elipses (...) to continue a thought without completely ending it, to lead into the next thought on the page. This has led to too many run on sentences in my life, situations and relationships that I've continued through the use of "soft punctuation," rather than having the guts to put a period at the end of the situation/relationship.
I guess part of this stems from my desire for a happy ending, a desire for the plot twist in the fourth act. I just can't stand to end something, just in case...
But maybe putting a period at the end of one thought (or situation or relationship or what have you) is the only way for the story to go where it's supposed to. Maybe it takes a period, a hard stop, for another potentially life-altering thought to get the attention it deserves.
I think I'll give periods a try this year.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Outta' My Way
A couple of days ago, while laying on my couch looking out the window (amidst the too-many-to-count multi-colored glass knick knacks), I had an epiphany.
I was thinking about how great my life really is. I have faith in a God that has never, I repeat, never let me down, I have the best family in all the world (I know everyone says that, but in my case, it's true), amazing friends, a great job that I truly enjoy, a house that I adore, and a big snuggly furball of a cat that's too precious for words.
But like they always do, thoughts of what isn't quite right in my life started sneaking up, making me question all of the things listed above and more. I started thinking about the things in my life that I'm not happy about. And then I started thinking about what is at the root of those things, those circumstances, those situations.
And then it hit me. "Ginny, the only thing holding you back from the things you desire, is you."
I've thought things along those lines previously, but it's always been a logical, static thought that didn't resonate and obviously didn't impact my choices. But this time was different. It made sense, in a very real and impactful way.
So, in this, the Year of Ginny, I'm going to work on getting out of my own way. I'm going to be more cognizant of the decisions I make and the thoughts and feelings that I let dictate those decisions. I will learn to question whether or not the things I do/think/feel/say are in line with what I want for my life, or if they're driven by fear/insecurity/doubt/etc.
And then, I'll get outta' my own way.
I was thinking about how great my life really is. I have faith in a God that has never, I repeat, never let me down, I have the best family in all the world (I know everyone says that, but in my case, it's true), amazing friends, a great job that I truly enjoy, a house that I adore, and a big snuggly furball of a cat that's too precious for words.
But like they always do, thoughts of what isn't quite right in my life started sneaking up, making me question all of the things listed above and more. I started thinking about the things in my life that I'm not happy about. And then I started thinking about what is at the root of those things, those circumstances, those situations.
And then it hit me. "Ginny, the only thing holding you back from the things you desire, is you."
I've thought things along those lines previously, but it's always been a logical, static thought that didn't resonate and obviously didn't impact my choices. But this time was different. It made sense, in a very real and impactful way.
So, in this, the Year of Ginny, I'm going to work on getting out of my own way. I'm going to be more cognizant of the decisions I make and the thoughts and feelings that I let dictate those decisions. I will learn to question whether or not the things I do/think/feel/say are in line with what I want for my life, or if they're driven by fear/insecurity/doubt/etc.
And then, I'll get outta' my own way.
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